Friday, March 22, 2013

Girl Scout Cookie Madness

Last year's March Madness bracket was a disaster. There is no denying it. So this year I decided to fill out my own kind of bracket. One allowing me to really blossom:



By default the first round of the Girl Scout Cookie Madness tournament was an Elite Eight competition--and I have to say--it was fierce. All Girl Scout Cookies are winners in their own ways (except for Do-si-dos). Seriously, does anyone out there feel passionately about Do-si-dos?

Tourament Highlights

Tournament Winner: Tagalongs. Tagalongs have a long and proud history of being one of the league's premiere clubs, and to no surprise they really brought the heat in 2013. They are peanut buttery. They are delicious. They are patty-ful. They are amazing in DQ Blizzard form. What more can one ask for? Champion of all champions.

Biggest Sleeper: Savannah Smiles. The Smiles are a relatively new program with a budget notably smaller than that of the more storied squads--Thin Mints, for example. Best served with tea during a midafternoon work slump, these cookies fought the good fight all the way to the finals. The Smiles left nothing to be desired on the court.

Overrated: Samoas. I find Samoas are CONSISTENTLY overrated. Additionally, I've heard whisperings of a potentially permanent name change to 'Caramel deLites'. Really? Whatever happened to predictability? Samoas are nothing more than a strange half-crunchy cohering mass of caramel, coconut and chocolate. Team Samoa has great branding, but a true bracketologist like myself sees through the fluff.

Though the bracket doesn't show it, the Thank U Berry Much was an underdog worth keeping an eye on in the first round. Being able to compete in a league where chocolate-based cookies reign supreme is a victory in and of itself. Well done.

See you all in 2014!

Friday, March 8, 2013

Misheard Lyrics

Buzzfeed published an article last month entitled 15 Classic Lines From Misunderstood Song Lyrics, and overall I have to say I am severely disappointed. The author managed to include one of my favorite misheard lyrics--Manfred Mann's "Blinded by the Light", but failed to take the mistake all the way to the finish line. Buzzfeed mentions that it sounds like "Wrapped Up Like a Douche", but then cuts off. Are you kidding? Clearly the remainder, and most important portion, of the misheard stanza is, "Another Boner in the Night." Don't believe me? Give it a listen here (:15-:24)

Disgraceful. In my family we had a very extensive list of songs we thought we knew the lyrics to, but definitely didn't. Below I outline a comprehensive list of oft-forgot but very prominent misheard lyrics:

Song: "I Wanna be Sedated" The Ramones
Misheard Lyric at :35-:38 --"20-20-20-4 hours ago-o-o-o-...I Want A Piece of Bacon..."

Song: "Higher Love"
Misheard Lyrics at :56-:58 -- "Bake Me a Pie of Love, Bake Me a Pie of Love..whoa oh."


Song: "Stayin' Alive" The Bee Gees
Misheard Lyrics at :32-:37 -- "Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother...Stay in a Line...Stay in a Line..."

(^^This particular misheard lyric was definitely a product of the neurosis injected into us all throughout during elementary school about what would happen if we didn't stay in a line on our way to an assembly.)

Song: "Bailamos" Enrique Iglesias
Misheard Lyrics at 1:08-1:13 -- "Te quiero, a burrito, Te quiero..."

Song: "Funkytown" Lipps Inc.  
Misheard Lyrics at :26-:31 --"Taco Party Taco Party Taco Party...."

Now, chronic non-believers may allege some of these might seem to be a stretch, which I can understand. But to these nay-sayers I proclaim there are OTHER instances in which I know for 100% fact I'm totally right about the lyrics.

Song: "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" Brenda Lee
Corrected Lyrics at :27-:31 "Later we'll have some fuckin' pie"

My sisters and I never asked about it--we all just assumed it was a "big girl" song that we'd be allowed to sing once we hit a certain age. Until that day came it was understood amongst the four of us that we needed to shift our volume from extreme forte to exaggerated piano to make sure we didn't drop the f bomb infront of our parents on our way to grandma's house.

Realization: With the exception of only one, which admittedly was not a misheard lyrics of my own creation, my sisters and I thought we were hearing food-related lyrics when we actually weren't...aka we were starving. All the time.