Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Full disclosure: I was a serious FarmVille Farmer during college. My nights normally played out as follows: Go out; come home; harvest my crops; plant some strawberries to harvest in the morning (they only took two hours to ripen) and go to bed ready for another day of tending to my hoe. I was meticulous and purposeful with my produce--and I saw the benefits quickly. After a certain amount of achievements I was awarded access to crops of higher pay off and economy. I saved enough FarmVille profits to buy the best benches and the most handsome, blue ribbon-worthy livestock so all my FarmVille friends passing through could see/be jealous of my spoils. A proverbial Garden of Eden, if I may. 

Then life got in the way. It was time to head to the big city. 

But like all things you truly love--you eventually find your way home. I recently reinstated FarmVille on my Facebook and went back to my roots. And this was my greeting:




I don't know who Marie is--but I think she might be my manager. She made sure I came home to a heroes welcome with my name on the virtual agriculture marquee. I feel ready to "take the reins" back on my affairs. On my farm I am adored. 

FarmVille, and indeed probably all Zynga games, has a lot of naysayers. If you care to see ignorance at its finest you needn't look any further than Urban Dictionary's 'definition' ascribed to the game:

"...While the rest of the people in the world, who deserve to live, are out living their lives continue to procreate, all of the inept addicts who are busy locked up by their computers playing farmfuck will slowly make the world a better place, right before they get to harvest that last goddamn crop, by dying."

--Anonymous Urban Dictionary Commenter (read as: Hater)

This is one of the most hateful/grammatically confusing things I have ever encountered. I will never apologize or feel embarrassed for being a successful farmer. Everything I have achieved--and WILL achieve, I have done without the help of the haters or government subsidies. And for the record I don't think the world is a better place if this person plans to or has already successfully procreated.

Is it so wrong to wish for fanfare every time you enter a room? Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name. That's how I feel about my Farmville Farm. Whether you're a believer or not, feel free to come 'round the Old Gilchrist Farm anytime you wish. I will be waiting for you. 



Sunday, January 12, 2014

2014 - Resolving to Forgo Resolutions

Why is the beginning of each year wrought with pressure to be better, faster and stronger (literally and figuratively) than the previous year's version of oneself? The tradition dates back to Ancient Babylonian ritual and we all know what happened to them, right? #Conquered.

Back to the modern day--is it any coincidence the first working week of January each year is scientifically horrible? Resolutions bring misery and hasten conclusions when perhaps some of our habits and stories aren't ready to end. That I feel a need to blog about this phenomenon is a testament to this undeniable force. 

Upon reflection I can confidently attribute my 2013 tribulations almost entirely to my inability to meet some impossible goals I set for myself. At this point all I want is to not make the same mistakes as I did last year, or the year before or the year BEFORE the year before. Does anyone else feel the same? Want some advice? Feeling Missundazstood

Take it from me--in perilous times like these I find it best to turn to P!nk for strength.



As one of mankind's only consistent, steadfast bad bitches P!nk should serve as an inspiration to us all. It is clear from her music that girlfriend don't care 'bout nothin' except being [the] boss--THAT is who I will be modeling myself after this year. There's no way a free spirit like P!nk would tie her life goals to a specific date just for the sake of affirmation--and I won't do it either. 

So Raise your Glass and Blow Me (One Last Kiss), 2013. I refuse to buckle under the pressure to change this year because really So What? I'm still a rockstar, etc.