Felina

Last summer I embarked on my first foray into TV analysis by predicting possible Breaking Bad outcomes--and let me just say it was nothing short of prophetic. Just kidding. Has anyone heard from Huell?

First order of business: One for three.

Jessie did, in fact, split off from Walt. I couldn't have predicted his fate of meth slave, but I was close. Is it OD that I actually felt a pang of nostalgia every time there was a flashback to Walt and Jesse's early days of cooking foolery? Can't we just go back to the simpler times?

Skyler did not die and after reading Anna Gunn's NYT op-ed I feel remorseful for ever hoping she would. That's actually a lie. Maybe it's girl on girl crime to wish ill on a fictional character but just LET ME LIVE, Anna. Just let me live.

The Germans didn't invade the American meth market and I actually think it's for the best. The US-based criminals on the show were horrifying enough (looking at you, Todd). 

Second order of business: Felina.

I am a huge sucker for TV conspiracy theories, especially when a show I love immensely comes to an end. In the case of Felina, My thirst for more information has proven insatiable.

I was pointed to this one article postulating that Walt froze to death in the car and the remaining events in the episode were nothing more than a dying man's cancer-induced fantasy. As much as I love closure, I have to agree with the idea that Vince Gilligan really would have been pushing the limits of the deus ex machina plot device by allowing Walt to tie up every loose end and die a (relatively) content man in his favorite place in the world--a chemistry lab. Everything worked out too perfectly and Walt has never operated under perfect circumstances. Think about it.

(PS I know I'm the only one trying to franch [french and ranch] happen but I tried it and it was exquisite with chicken nuggets. May these two dressings enjoy their holy blessed condiment matrimony eternally).

Breaking Bad: A Way Forward

The first half of AMC's Breaking Bad fifth season is in full swing and I am just loving my life. Blog posts of yester-months may have led some to believe that Mad Men is my favorite show, but really BB (can I call you that, BB?) is my main squeeze.

I'm going to try to make some predictions without having any spoilers--in case anyone has missed the first two eps of the season (and if you're reading this and haven't seen ANY of the earlier seasons, then may God bless you but we're not friends).

Predictions and/or Hopes

Jesse splits from Walt, again

In seasons past, rifts betwixt Jesse and Walt primarily spawned from Jesse's brash actions and general noobery. This time, however, the rift is more likely be caused by the lack of compassion that comes along with Walt's metamorphosis into a one-dimensional meth machine. Jesse has managed to find himself on a (relative) moral high-ground.

Jesse tries his luck at a solo meth-venture after some new misunderstanding divides the twosome again. He saddles back up into the Crystal Ship (the RV from he and Walt's humble beginnings) and hits the open desert for some good old-fashioned cooking. In not wanting to completely rip Walt's recipe (but not really knowing any other way), he laces his meth with Franch to make it his own. This is a huge improvement from Chili P, but still not quite as potent as Walt's meth brew. Skinny P and Badger fall back in line as Jesse's meth soldiers. Despite Jesse's sprinkle of genius in the opening ep of the season ("yeah bitch, MAGNETS"), his savviness in the illicit business has not improved. He only ever manages to hold a mediocre market share.

Skyler dies

Not particularly likely, but I wish it would just happen. In the mean time, I'm thinking of starting a support group for people like myself that feel personally affected by Skyler White's general whoredom. Her role in the show is quickly diminishing and so she'd be a pretty easy cut, but somehow I imagine that Walt's ultimate downfall will be related to his family (although as of right now it doesn't seem that love for his family is really guiding his actions at all).

The ending scene in episode 2 where Walt is coming onto her in bed is supremely uncomfortable and solidifies my fear that he has become a bonafide villain. Nevertheless,that doesn't stop me from having residual hatred for Skyler--and I think I'm being generous in sparing Walter Jr. (Flynn) from my dire prediction.

Germans Invade

Accomplishing what their ancestors never could during WWII, the German executives from Madrigal Electromotive (parent company for Los Pollos Hermanos) will invade the US and try to destroy every remaining link they could possibly have to the late Gus Fring's international dealings/meth empire.

Mike, newly broke after his granddaughter's off-shore bank account gets emptied by the likes of Hank going H.A.M on everyone in his path, is in straits more dire than we have previously seen. He will want to fully control the US front of the Gus fallout, and must put his perpetual state of exasperation to rest in order to be in the proper mindset to be diplomatic with the Germans.

If it wasn't clear from the outset, I don't fully believe that any of this will actually happen--but it'd be pretty boss to be able to say I saw Franch coming as a major player before anyone else did. I will revisit this post to see what, if anything, I was right about.