Dear Amanda Bynes,
Go home to LA to be with your parents. You're scaring the people of NYC. Your career is salvageable.
You and your Nickelodeon braintrust were among the most influential pioneers during the advent of the World Wide Web via AmandaPlease.com. Has anyone ever told you with great power comes great responsibility?
Even when you left Nickelodeon you were heading toward greatness. Your performance in She's the Man? My God. You were loving up on Channing Tatum before any of the rest of us even thought to do it. And now look at you.
Driving with a suspended license? That's relatable. Clearly I've never done it but I know people who have and they seem normal. Smoking weed at a Planet Fitness on 4/20? What? Cryptic tweets about murdering your vagina? Girlfriend, THAT'S WEIRD.
I get it--I really do. You were a child celebrity and we saw what happened to MacCaulay Culkin but that is NO EXCUSE. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AMANDA.
Your train wreck stage is hitting me harder than when Britney had her episodes--and I was sure that sort of pain couldn't be paralleled. Don't let me down. And don't shave your head.
Concerned,
Allison
I woke up yesterday morning with butterflies in my stomach, feeling slightly feverish and a little anxious.
Was it because of Opening Day for Baseball (haha #yankees)?
Was it because I kept hearing about Kevin Ware's shin disaster during the Louisville game?
No. None of that. I knew yesterday was going to be the day I would finally have the opportunity to listen to Justin Timberlake's entire "20/20 Experience" album from start to finish. And so I did.
The album will undoubtedly have historical repercussions. The inaugural song, Pusher Love Girl, really brings new definition to the baby making music genre. Everyone else, step aside.
Listening to Justin Timberlake's music is the closest I've ever come to wanting a romantic yet tempestuous relationship with something non-human. Has Lovestoned/I Think She Knows finally met it's match? What about John Mayer's version of Free Falling? Can you believe there was a time when the thought of John Mayer, self-diagnosed bad boy, singing to me made me melt? I know, I know. I'm embarrassed too. But I'm a grown-ass woman now and I'm getting serious about JT.
Right now my feelings about Justin Timberlake are measuring up to be as strong as my feelings for Beyoncé. Welcome Back, JT, now please cuddle with me.
