2014 - Resolving to Forgo Resolutions

Why is the beginning of each year wrought with pressure to be better, faster and stronger (literally and figuratively) than the previous year's version of oneself? The tradition dates back to Ancient Babylonian ritual and we all know what happened to them, right? #Conquered.

Back to the modern day--is it any coincidence the first working week of January each year is scientifically horrible? Resolutions bring misery and hasten conclusions when perhaps some of our habits and stories aren't ready to end. That I feel a need to blog about this phenomenon is a testament to this undeniable force. 

Upon reflection I can confidently attribute my 2013 tribulations almost entirely to my inability to meet some impossible goals I set for myself. At this point all I want is to not make the same mistakes as I did last year, or the year before or the year BEFORE the year before. Does anyone else feel the same? Want some advice? Feeling Missundazstood? 

Take it from me--in perilous times like these I find it best to turn to P!nk for strength.

As one of mankind's only consistent, steadfast bad bitches P!nk should serve as an inspiration to us all. It is clear from her music that girlfriend don't care 'bout nothin' except being [the] boss--THAT is who I will be modeling myself after this year. There's no way a free spirit like P!nk would tie her life goals to a specific date just for the sake of affirmation--and I won't do it either. 

So Raise your Glass and Blow Me (One Last Kiss), 2013. I refuse to buckle under the pressure to change this year because really So What? I'm still a rockstar, etc. 

Recap

It has been 79 days since my last post. That's almost two full Lents. I blame myself  work everyone except me. So thanks for nothing, everybody.

Because I've managed to go so long without posting anything I figured I may as well take the time to publicly announce my failures. What better way to accomplish this than to revisit my New Year's Resolutions for 2013 ? (lol RIP):

- Read at least four full-length fiction books. For pleasure/personal fulfillment--with the goal of learning absolutely nothing (any personal discovery does not constitute a violation of this resolution). 
Just who exactly did I think I was kidding with this one? I don't even have time properly tend to my eyebrows let alone read fiction for personal development. Does reading news about justifications to take military action in Syria count? Because at this point that feels like fiction;

- Go home to New Jersey for (at least) one weekend completely dedicated to volunteering for the restore the shore effort.
In my defense I've been on a very aggressive and strict brunch schedule so there just really hasn't been much room for charity;

- Learn to cook something other than oatmeal and cereal. However I am not cutting Trix cereal out of my life. I'm no sadist.
I haven't learned one thing all year about cooking. On a victorious note -- I definitely haven't cut Trix cereal out of my life. It remains an essential;

- Finish 2 marathons and/or half-marathons. 
I did just one, but now I have a jawbone that buzzes my wrist when I'm being lazy/don't run in the morning. Additionally, some days I even run/walk the equivalent of a half marathon (!!), so I get half credit at least;

- Call people for no reason other than to just talk. Sans agenda. 
This was a joke. I always have an agenda when I communicate and it consistently involves emojis. Meaningful human interaction is just not going to happen this year (or next);

- Travel to somewhere I haven't already been.
☑Check. I went to France in May even after losing my passport mere weeks before departure;

- Gangnam style for an audience of greater than 30 people and receive a standing ovation.
....;

- Reduce my daily caffeine intake.
I've actually increased it. I had my very first venti coffee last week and shit was supreme. Now that PSL season is upon us I don't expect to make many improvements in this category for the remainder of 2013.

Going to be more realistic in 2014, for sure. 

2013: Resolved

The Daily Beast published an article detailing why New Year's Resolutions Fail. The article did a great job discouraging me, but I will move forward with establishing my ressies anyway. And I'm putting them on the internet to create some sort of accountability for myself. Not that I care about what you think anyway.

My New Year's Resolutions for 2013 (hereinafter Resolutions) include the following:

- Read at least four full-length fiction books. For pleasure/personal fulfillment--with the goal of learning absolutely nothing (any personal discovery does not constitute a violation of this resolution). 4 per year averages out to one per season--seems legit;

- Go home to New Jersey for (at least) one weekend completely dedicated to volunteering for the restore the shore effort;

- Learn to cook something other than oatmeal and cereal. However I am not cutting Trix cereal out of my life. I'm no sadist;

- Finish 2 marathons and/or half-marathons. Already signed up for one (hi FBD)--so I'm halfway done with this resolution. Don't care if it's cheating. See you never;

- Call people for no reason other than to just talk. Sans agenda. This is a hard one for me. I love texting. I love g-chatting. I love Facebook poking. It's a problem;

- Travel to somewhere I haven't already been. I went to London last month and I am already reinfected with the travel bug. Doesn't need to be abroad. I don't believe Mt. Rushmore is real so I'd be into a trip to South Dakota...or a place in which I could see a jack rabbit (don't believe those are real, either); 

- Gangnam style for an audience of greater than 30 people and receive a standing ovation;

- Reduce my daily caffeine intake. Right now I average about 8-10 caffeinated beverages per day. This resolution is an attempt to lengthen my lifespan--which I estimate to be about 55 years if I continue on the path I currently tread;

Am I overzealous? Whatever. Here's hoping I find some discipline in 2013. 

Happy New Year :)