Memory Hoarding

It's official. My passport (est. 2006) is lost and has to be replaced. Whilst searching my apartment I came to realize something about myself--and as we well know the first step to sustainable recovery is public and shame-inducing admission. So, here we go...

My name is Allison. I am a Memory-Hoarder.

After a rigorous Google session I was able to conclusively determine memory hoarding is both under-researched and severely under-treated. I visited the WebMD Symptom Checker and selected my irregularities (excessive sweating, feeling fearful, food cravings, inability to care for self and short stature) and my result was agoraphobia. Thanks, WebMD. Clearly going to have to define memory hoarding myself:

Memory Hoarding (n.) - A disorder characterized by an inability to distinguish between true mementos and clutter. The patient often experiences temporary paralysis at the very idea of being under-prepared for any life circumstance. Justifies hoarding with claims of the clutter having intrinsic value.

I am undoubtedly MH+. Here are some of the gems I uncovered during my search:

- My Juice Jam ticket from 2007--signed by Stephan Jenkins of Third Eye Blind. How many times have I seen 3eb? 15? 20? I think that era of my life is definitely over. I don't need to relive any of those concerts. 

- A football ticket stub from Syracuse v. University of Washington (?) from the same year. I'm sure that was a great time with all my awkward first month of freshman year friends. Love you guys.

- A field hockey shirt that realistically hasn't touched my body in at least 7 years. Emblazoned with the typical field hockey mantra "Don't let the skirt fool you" across the chest, this t-shirt may very well be the most regrettable/embarrassing purchase of my entire life.

- Immigration papers that nobody ever bothered to collect from me in Brazil (but what if I ever go back and they realize they never took them from me???)

- Hotel room keys from a work trip to NYC. Necessary.

- Model UN placard from the year I represented Kazakhstan. Ok.

- "Get Well Soon" cards from 4th grade. Good memory.

- 2 or 3 pairs of headphones with one or both earphones broken.

- 8 empty shampoo/condish bottles lining my shower.

It's time for a life change. I need to revamp the organizational structure of my apartment. My passport was the first victim of my hoarding and it's not farfetched to think my cat will be next.

But mostly I want to know: Do you think my condition is grounds enough to check into some ritzy celebrity rehab, or am I going to need to get caught driving drunk and in possession coke like Lindsey Lohan? I just want to know what my options are.

Thank you and Goodbye.

Un-Chic Things Weekly: The Flu

In 2005, there was Bird Flu--which was way cool:

Then in 2009 there was Swine Flu--which was also exciting because it felt like Animal Farm had become real:

and now...

REGULAR FLU.

Yawn.

I had the flu once in my life. Nobody (not even ABC) believes me when I say I got the flu the one time I consented to receiving the shot--but I DID. Suffice to say, I did not get the flu shot this season.
Am I second-guessing myself for this decision? Definitely not. Avoiding contraction of the regular flu is not simply a question of having or not having the vaccine--its a question of one's biological and social fitness. The street cred of an epidemic pales in comparison to that of a pandemic. I'm not worried.

Nonetheless, all the flu-steria monopolizing the news has me slightly interested. I have delved a bit deeper into the subject and have uncovered a few disturbing facts. Take it away, Fox News:

"While the flu actually comes from horses [and pigs]...."

I'm sorry, what? Ew. No. Pigs sure, but horses?  

"...ducks are actually the most common source of the virus. In fact, flu research centers keep on hand many thousands of samples of duck livers, hearts and other organs, as references for different strains of influenza."

You think you can trust some animals to just be cute and harmless, and the truth is you just CAN'T.

The same article also seems to be promoting something called the Elderberry. If an epidemic can be avoided by simply eating more of a glorified blueberry then I really just don't need to hear about it. As a species I think we're becoming soft.

Can you tell I'm really disappointed this most recent bout of the flu isn't more serious?

Vision Quest

I recently found myself in a debate that ended with my opponent telling me that I'm selfish and close-minded. Ouch. Am I really that bad? I decided that need to go on a vision quest to find out the truth. Unfortunately I hit a few barriers, which include (but are not limited to) having a full-time job and a complete lack of Cherokee ancestry.The only option was to take an online quiz. Turns out my spirit animal is an owl.

 

It makes sense. I've always suspected that I'm something of a soothsayer. Anyway...

I would realistically rate myself a solid 8.3 on a 1-10 scale measuring patience, understanding and general tolerance--but there are a few things that I simply can't stand for: 1. Torturing animals;  2. Sitting through an entire live baseball game without a big pretzel;  3. Waiting in line at the post office and, most importantly:

4. People who are so "open-minded" that they fail to see their own hypocrisy.

In many of my classes from K-12, we were expected to complete a "Do-Now." The Do-Now was a problem on the chalk board that either reviewed the lesson from the day before or set the stage for the upcoming lesson. Do-Nows were a huge nuissance and really inhibited everyone's ability to talk very loudly with friends about other friends for the first 10 minutes of class. Total inconvenience at the time. Looking back now, however, I can see the value in the exercise. In fact, I'm going to post a logic-themed Do-Now right here on this blog:

"y=mx+b"

"Access to healthcare is a human right."

Are these sentences both facts, both opinions, or one fact and one opinion? Please explain. 

I understand that access to healthcare is an extremely complex debate, but it really is the icing flower corner piece on the birthday cake of life when somebody tells me (and quite nearly physically attacks me) over my ideas. Yes, that has happened. Can you imagine? Someone berating me/lecturing me like a common criminal? Yikes.

I thought this was pretty timely given that the Supreme Court just heard the oral arguments about the constitutionality of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (Obamacare). PS I saw everyone's favorite "Wise Latina" Sonia Sotomayor on the Acela train bound for NYC. I wasn't stalking her, but she got off at Philly incase anyone wanted to know. I digress..

Like I said, healthcare seemed timely, but the point of this post and my feeling in general is that discussing topics such as this could be both fruitful and enlightening if people would acknowledge that there are always at least two ways of looking at things. There are always circumstances. All I'm asking of anyone is to just listen to other people when they speak and consider their side. No one has to agree, but let's reserve emotionally charged/clouded discussion for when it is officially confirmed that Kate Middleton is indeed hosting a royal child via pregnancy. Additionally, it is helpful to know the facts. (Ex. Fannie Mae ≠ Sallie Mae). Even if you're close-minded about something, that's okay too, but just say so! I happen to enjoy it when people are staunch in stance--so long as they know weltanschauungs vary. 

I've felt this way for a while. Please review my Facebook status update from January 4, 2012 of this year (Ah, the joys of timeline..)

"I would just like to point out that everyone alleging the GOP as a whole to be stupid and/or ignorant is not nearly as open-minded as they claim to be. Growing up in the Northeast and subsequently attending an insulated, liberal university does not necessarily make you smart/unequivocally correct, sorry :( "

Conclusion: Everyone needs to chill out and focus more attention on this baby elephant playing at the beach.