2013: Resolved

The Daily Beast published an article detailing why New Year's Resolutions Fail. The article did a great job discouraging me, but I will move forward with establishing my ressies anyway. And I'm putting them on the internet to create some sort of accountability for myself. Not that I care about what you think anyway.

My New Year's Resolutions for 2013 (hereinafter Resolutions) include the following:

- Read at least four full-length fiction books. For pleasure/personal fulfillment--with the goal of learning absolutely nothing (any personal discovery does not constitute a violation of this resolution). 4 per year averages out to one per season--seems legit;

- Go home to New Jersey for (at least) one weekend completely dedicated to volunteering for the restore the shore effort;

- Learn to cook something other than oatmeal and cereal. However I am not cutting Trix cereal out of my life. I'm no sadist;

- Finish 2 marathons and/or half-marathons. Already signed up for one (hi FBD)--so I'm halfway done with this resolution. Don't care if it's cheating. See you never;

- Call people for no reason other than to just talk. Sans agenda. This is a hard one for me. I love texting. I love g-chatting. I love Facebook poking. It's a problem;

- Travel to somewhere I haven't already been. I went to London last month and I am already reinfected with the travel bug. Doesn't need to be abroad. I don't believe Mt. Rushmore is real so I'd be into a trip to South Dakota...or a place in which I could see a jack rabbit (don't believe those are real, either); 

- Gangnam style for an audience of greater than 30 people and receive a standing ovation;

- Reduce my daily caffeine intake. Right now I average about 8-10 caffeinated beverages per day. This resolution is an attempt to lengthen my lifespan--which I estimate to be about 55 years if I continue on the path I currently tread;

Am I overzealous? Whatever. Here's hoping I find some discipline in 2013. 

Happy New Year :) 

Allison's Favorite Things

For the record IDGAF about your favorite things, Oprah, but I still took a peek at your 2012 selections because I hate you. I tend to keep a close eye on the people I hate.

Coach Puffers. FUCKING EW, O. May as well pair your ugly Coach Puffer with some chunky black Steve Madden shoes and go to your middle school band concert because I can't think of one other place where you'd fit in.

Microsoft Surface Tablet. Yeah? You love it so much that you tweeted about the product from your iPad? You're so fake--spare us.

I see you have not one but two Macy's Hotel Collection items (bed set, towels) on your list of favorite things. Anything for your sponsors, huh? No shot you sleep with sheets that are only 600 thread count. 

And finally--Nobody is interested in your favorite jellies. So nasty. Use with Cornish hens? Who are you? Bye.

To you I simply say: Move Bitch and make way for Allison's flyest (albeit random) things for America:

Ciroc : "The Art of Celebration"

Whatever Aaron Paul toasts with is what America needs to be unanimously toasting with, asap.

Mad Men Fashion

We all need to reevaluate our lives and our choices, using Christina Hendricks' ensembles as a guiding spirit. Further detailed in an earlier post from this year.

Nike Frees

Do you just want to wake up at the crack of dawn, JUMP out of bed and haul it out the door for a run without even stopping to brush your teeth? Buy them. Not in the hot pink/black/blue combo though....don't rip my style.

Chicken Quesadillas (with EXTRA special sauce)

Taco Bell is delicious and everyone who pretends otherwise is a bonafide hater.

Bruno Mars 'Locked Out of Heaven'

Being the benevolent and righteous girl that I am, I've forgiven Bruno for his 'Lazy Song' atrocity. The Police and Michael Jackson undertones present in this song just work. 

May the new year bring you all good fortune and an increased presence of my flyest things.

Dear Google

An open letter to Google:

Querido Google,

First of all let me just say that I'm really big into the Google Doodles thing--and I was especially fond of your Oct. 27 choice to commemorate the Sugar Loaf Cable Car's 100th birthday. So cute, so cultured. I digress...

Google, have you ever felt alone, defenseless and scared? Those feelings only begin to describe how I feel when my GMail crashes, and sometimes I feel as though you purposely shut down Gmail/GChat capabilities just to remind us who run the world. It's not nice. Have you no sense of corporate social responsibility?

On Monday, the date of the most recent large-scale GMail outage, you KNEW those of us in the working world were facing a tough week. With the impending Mayan World Expiration Date approaching, many were grappling with the idea that perhaps nothing (id est: deadlines) matters anymore. Then, more than ever, we needed to be able to GChat our friends/loved ones to discuss the way forward in the event of an apocalypse. 

Nobody buys into your 'routine update gone wrong' explanation. We know what you're doing, and if you keep doing this we may all switch to Bing. Just kidding.


Love you, mean it,

Allison

Marketing

I'm either very emotional or I'm everyone's target market. Or could I be both?

I have always felt disproportionately affected by commercials and ad campaigns that manipulate viewers' heart strings to make them (me!) think that they (I!) have a MORAL obligation to give/spend money. No ad/campaign was more effective in this regard than the notorious BC SPCA campaign that ultilized Sarah McLachlin's 'Arms of an Angel' song to rip my fucking heart out, throw it on the ground curb stomp it and force me to take in every single stray animal that I could find. Granted, this probably influenced my family's reasons to take in all stray cats, including my BFFL, Crusty, which is a good thing. Still, not all the glitters is gold.

I've sobered up a bit in my older age, and by that I mean I can successfully watch an animal cruelty commercial without necessarily leaving my home to go 'trolling for strays. But now it seems that I'm now more affected by the notion of sentimentality. Perhaps Don Draper said it best in this scene where he pitches to the camera company. The best marketing is when you convince the consumer that they can have a, "deep[er] bond with the product, nostalgia...it's delicate, but potent."

But why does the Samsung Galaxy Note Commercial feat. Lebron give me chills...? I mean, I'm happy the King finally has his ring and all--but Jesus. And can Dell just QUIT IT with the 'Meet Billy: The Boy Who Captured the Stars' ad??? Why am I considering going back to PC life? And WHY is the instrumental, iPhone 4s inspired version of Fun's 'We Are Young' the principal reason why I haven't?

This is a plea to everyone I know in marketing, advertising or product management. Please, please, please stop making me cry and buy my feelings.

Post-Powerball To Do List

I don't know if you know this about me, but last spring I won a $100 in the Victoria's Secret Reward Card. Given this track record,  it is all but absolutely guarunteed that I will take the entirety of the record-breaking pot in the Powerball drawing  tonight. In anticipation of my soon to-be $500 million net worth--I will enter my plans into public record:

To Do:

1.) Establish a well-endowed trust for my cat because I was informed today that he cannot be listed as my primary OR secondary 401k beneficiary.

2.) Allocate a percentage of my after-tax winnings to fund my favorite think-tanks/non-profits in the DC area.

3.) Found and fund my own Latin America-oriented microfinance operation with a special focus on researching the scarf market in Quito, Ecuador to come with strategies for sustainability and eventual entry into the world of high fashion.

4.) Buy my way onto Jeopardy(!) so I can flirt shamelessly with Alex Trebek and revel in his awkward brilliance.

5.) Pay someone to become intimately familiar in my personal fashion choices and stalk LOFT so I don't have to. This person will also be responsible for being real with me when it's officially time to graduate to Ann Taylor.

6.) Lobby for Entitlement Reform, hard.

7.) Hike Mt. Kilamanjaro. I'm coming for you Killy.


Those are my immediate concerns. For everyone out there, I know it sucks to be you, but just keep this song in mind.

See you all on the other side!

iThankful

I don't go home very often, but when I do, I beez in the trap.

I'm thankful for these tricks and for dental insurance:

My Thanksgiving is always a motley assortment of family, friends and traditional as well as non-traditional American holiday fare because I don't like turkey or stuffing or any other Thanksgiving food. This year's menu included Chicken Parm (f-ing delicious), a Halal turkey, and mac & cheese. I'm still not over it.

Highlights from this year included Val saying 'Grace' (fan fave), discussion about why Animal Farm the movie is THE scariest movie and the Redskins beating Dallas. RGIII (RG Tree) is my fantasy QB while Romo rides the bench so it was a little awkward, but mostly great.

Following our repast, my sisters and I take part in a Bacchus-inspired event that involves an iPod dock, 90's anthems, and dining room binge-drinking in leggings. I haven't dabbled much in Kings since 'Cuse, but on this particular holiday my sisters and I always play with eachother, our SOs (if they can handle it) and very close friends that may as well be family.This year we ammended the bylaws to account for incidentals of yesteryears:

My trip home reminded me of just how lucky I am to have my sisters as best friends. I'm thankful for the times I laugh so hard that my stomach cramps up. I'm thankful for the fact that Sheila downloaded the One Hour Photo Soundtrack instead of the movie and that it popped up while driving in the dark woods. I'm thankful for Toejam and Earl being available for purchase on Wii (RIP Sega Genesis). I'm thankful for AppleTV at my Dad's house and rewatching some of my favorite Breaking Bad moments (Skyler in the pool!) I'm thankful for my family, my friends and loved ones everywhere :)

Happy Hollerdays

Londres

Back in June I lamented that I hadn't left the country in almost two years. Sorpresa! I got the chance to go to London! My itinerary even met the criteria I had set out for myself--the UK is not landlocked, on the verge of default and there is no visa requirement. Other than the fact that I left home with no coat and no laptop, I was ready!

Although the primary purpose of my travel was to attend a project management training course for work--I extended my stay so that I could see the sights, drink the cidre (see what I did there?) and visit/cuddle with friends. 

Highlights:
I attended prayer services twice in the Cathedrals, so you can say I re-connected with God. I'm revisiting the idea of putting in an application for Sainthood.

I watched Katy Perry's Part of Me on the airplane and cried because I was so inspired. I'm a bonafide Katy Kat.

I discovered a new city, met new people AND a became intimately familiar with a new Starbucks menu (Praline Mocha Latte--you are my spirit animal). 

Tower of London. I'm basically a certified expert on monarchies and royal menageries. I carried myself as if there was a talent scout looking for the next addition to the royal family, and I think I made a good impression.

Running along the Thames River. Nothing makes me feel more alive than running in a new place.

The training itself--VERY passable. Work seminars have the potential to be excruciatingly boring, but I was pleasantly surprised. One of the men leading the course is a former project manager at Lego, so we immediately had common ground to stand on. Legos were a cornerstone of my formative years.

Lowlights:
During a team-building exercise in which I was blind-folded, I shit-talked every other team and then caused my own team to lose by falling in a bush. Not my best moment.

I got woman-handled by airport security at Heathrow TWICE. Girl put her hands all up in the waistband of my leggings. I almost asked for money from her because alla dis don't come cheap, ya know? If I wasn't already projected to be the very last person to make it on the plane, I would have.

Missing the election--as if voting absentee isn't anticlimactic enough. My plan was to head to a bar that promised twinkies, hot dogs, and other American fare. Line was out the door (obviously). To add insult to injury--I'm now seeing that twinkie's days are numbered. So it is very likely that I will NEVER have the chance to eat twinkies on election night again in my life. I'm going to dedicate an entire chapter in my memoir to this injustice.

Additionally, the next day, people at my training wasted no time trying to tell me why America sucks. Sorry I'm not sorry that I love America.

Mediumlights:
I learned EVERYTHING about heresy, torture, and the history of the British justice system via a visit to Clinks Prison Museum. I can't decide if this was a good or a bad experience. I was literally the only person in this purposefully dank and dreary museum.

I didn't find Adele, and I looked everywhere.

I tried lamb. I now know for sure that I'm not into it.

Overall-light:
I had a great time, learned a lot, and laughed a ton. An extra special thanks to Maria Preetha y Lucita for having me as the third flat-mate :). Abrazos!

Taylor Swift's Burn Book

I have this feeling of impending doom. In the wake of Taylor Swift's recently dropped 'Red' album, I fear that she has reached the denouement of her failed relationships/angst. I just know one day I will wake up to learn of her forthcoming single, "Maybe Everything is Actually My Fault"...

Tay, please don't ever find inner peace by taking ownership of your failed relationships. A Taylor at peace may go to the way of an Alanis Morissette at peace. Nobody likes peaceful Alanis.

I want/need to foster her hate; which is why I've decided she should contract me to ghost-write her Burn Book. Although it can be argued her entire discography serves as a psuedo-Burn Book, she's going to need to get creative if she's going to continue violating artistic outlets to convince the public that she's still a vulnerable/innocent party in the pursuit of love. We've come to expect that Taylor's songs will be filled with romanticized portrayals of heartbreak, but we need a fresh perspective. I know I can properly pen how she really feels:

John Mayer

You're right. Dear John is completely about you, but that's what you get for hurting me AND MORE IMPORTANTLY what you get for hurting Jennifer Anniston. I'm still famous and you still have stupid hair.

Jake Gyllenhall

Made out with a hotdog. More than once.

Harry Styles

I don't hate you because you are the lead singer of One Direction, you are the lead singer of One Direction because I hate you.

Ellen Degeneres

#1 Frenemy. Ellen thinks she can just decree that I'm in a relationship with Zac Efron and that it automatically becomes true. What Ellen doesn't know is that everyone only pretends to like her. I'm only semi-cordial to her so I don't alienate the talk show community. I can't risk losing Oprah's blessing. For the record your sweater vests are offensive.

Connor Kennedy

I am not actually a virgin, and you are not actually attractive. Save for Ethel, I'm officially over the Kennedys. You will never be White House-ready, so I'm out. Romney's Sons 2012.

Give it a think, Taylor. I'm here for you.

Malarky

As a niña I frightened easily. My older sister would bid me goodnight with a reminder that a bloodthirsty shark was definitely swimming somewhere within a 100 mile radius of us. Cue nightmare.  As I've grown older I've been able to sleep soundly sans night terrors.

and then this happened.

The maniacal, pandering laughter of Joe Biden from the 2012 VP Debate will undoubtedly haunt me for years to come.

Ugh.

Identity Crisis

Real Talk: I think it's time to update my blog's headline. 

Am I more of a Nicki Minaj than a Ke$ha?

I'm rethinking my life and my choices, but the Pitbull portion is not up for debate.

Many the Miles

Other than the latest installment of my Sara Bareilles-inspired shower solo series , 'Many the Miles' is a really fitting mantra for me--a girl who measures her life in sneakers.

Nike, Adidas, Asics--I've been around the block. I still have the pair of sneakers I bought just before studying abroad in South America. Like a lame-wad, I wrote the names of all the cities and places I ran--including the prize Maratón de Santiago.

My Chilean host mom and I ran together most every day, and one of the first times we did I asked her how she was able to handle 9 or 10 mile runs sans music. She informed me that all she needed was "la música de mis pies," to which I replied (inwardly, of course), "Unless my feet start playing Robert Randolph and the Family Band 'Ain't Nothin' Wrong That', I'm not going to be satisfied with la música de mis pies."

Years after, I get what she meant. Running, for me, has become an intensely intimate experience. It is the one part of my day during which I rely only on myself to get where I'm going and accomplish what I want to accomplish. I answer to no one. I leave my iPhone and Blackberry home where they belong, and I get to head out and race myself to wherever I'm going. 

The other day, for the very first time, I left my iPod at home with the rest of my gadgets.

If you have the ability to stomach cardio without music, I highly recommend trying to do so. It forces you to really think about the things you normally don't have time to think about or even want to think about. Am I okay with where I've been and where I am at 23? Am I okay with where I see myself going? Am I happy? Is Miley Cyrus talented? Do I have enough cat food at home for Ollie? 

I was fortunate enough to finish my run and reflect on the fact that the answer to every question I asked myself was a firm 'yes'--and I only have myself and my new Nike Frees to thank for that. I don't know how many miles I'll run throughout the rest of my lifetime, but I'm so, so excited. It's an amazing feeling. Thank you, sneakers :).

(Note: Listen to this Cyrus' rendition of 'Look What They've Done to my Song' if you're not already on Team Miley).

"No Question is a 'Dumb' Question" and other Fables

You know what makes me feel fuzzy inside? The memory from high school of teachers ending classes with my favorite blanket statement of all time:

"Does anyone have any questions? Remember, no question is a dumb question!"

God that makes me cringe. The amount of hand-holding that went on during my education was unbearable. I get that the purpose is to encourage people to speak out even if they're shy, but a little tough love here and there would have been a better favor to people than pretending as though some questions weren't just idiotic. I conceptualized this post a while ago, but what I needed was a real, RECENT example. And then I got it.

Last night I was sitting in my hotel room eating hairy sushi for one (not joking) when I got a conference call from my beloved co-workers in DC (Hola a todos). Having a degree in Political Science has qualified me to answer all science oriented questions, and so when they were having an origin of life-based debate, they obviously knew who to call. The question went as follows:

"So like...if time machines were real, and you were a dude, and you went back in time and got your mom pregnant....could you be your own father?"

Suffice to say, something clicked in my head: THIS was just the breakthrough example I needed to prove my what I have known all along--There ARE dumb questions.

You can OBVIOUSLY be your own father.

I'm not saying it would be pretty--being born of your own sperm sounds a bit messy. I think it'd play out a little like this, a clip from one of my favorite South Park episodes.

So there you have it. A really, really stupid question.

"You'd Better Redneckognize"

That, my friends, is the mantra of my new favorite diva child in this world, Honey Boo Boo.

I watched TLC's Here Comes Honey Boo Boo for my very first time last night, and let me just say this: I was blind, but now I see.

My initial reaction was indignation. Watching Mamma and Sugar Bear romp around with Honey Boo Boo and Glitzy the pig while I sat on my bed WITHOUT a nickname was too much to handle. I soon stopped being a hater, googled 'Honey Boo Boo Nickname Generator' and found that my nickname would be 'Allie Giggles' should I decide to relocate to McIntyre, Georgia. I got into their scene REAL quick--and I haven't looked back since.

From what I understand, Alana (alias Honey Boo Boo) was a contestant on my OTHER favorite TLC show Toddlers and Tiaras. She was just SO over the top (thanks, in no small part, to her pre-pageant ritual of chugging Mountain Dew) that she and her family earned their own show. The show chronicals her quest through pageantry and the sacrifices the family members make to help her stay in the game. 

This HuffPo article claims that Honey Boo Boo gained more ratings than Bill Clinton's speech at the DNC (at least those that tuned into CNN). Good for those people. I WISH I had skipped Bill and watched HBB--am I really the only person I that found his speech to be slimy and unbearable?

Opponents of Honey Boo Boo think that she and her family paint an inaccurate picture of the American South. To those people I say calm down, find a hobby, or just stfu. You're the ones choosing to compare yourselves to them, and I somehow doubt they give a shit about representing you. HBB's mom June, "Mamma", analyzes the opponents with this logic:

"I don't claim to represent all of Georgia, I've never said that. Those haters that are criticizing us about what's on the show are watching us every week. So we call them our 'closet fans', people who don't wanna admit they watch the show."

LOVE that attitude--but really, what I love most about what I've seen so far is the fact that everyone seems so comfortable just being themselves. It's so refreshing. As much as I dig the Kardashians and their fake problems, I gotta say I'm so into HBB.

Instead of justifying why I'm spending my free time watching reality TV instead of working my way through Atlas Shrugged, please refer my academic essay In Defense of Trash TV. Here's an HBB extended promo...as if you need more convincing.  

Stacks on Stacks on Snax

I read a Huffington Post article titled Bon Appetit: Snacks from the '90s We Love and Miss and I just have a few comments...

Surge Soda
How are you going to mention Surge and NOT discuss the fact that everybody thought it was a sperm killer? Rumor or not, that was a very integral part of Surge's shelf-life as a Coke product, and a disgrace to the marketing team that must have spent MANY sleepless nights thinking of ways to convince the middle school population that their ability to produce off-spring wouldn't be affected by this Mountain Dew knock-off. Huge oversight, imo.

Doritos 3D
Couldn't agree more with HuffPo on this one. I hated 3D Doritos. I'm in a distinct camp of people that believe Doritos have been on the down-swing since the '90s--a phenonomen I detail in greater length here. The introduction of 3DD to the chip market was a blow to the Dorito legacy.

Air Heads
Can anyone, anywhere, tell me what White Mystery was? SOS.

Oreo O's
This one goes out to the one, the only, Sheila Gilchrist. The final arbiter of all things Oreo (be it Cakesters, Golden, or DoubleStuf variety) in the Gilchrist household. Loved that shit like crack. Glad this cereal is getting a well-deserved spot in the mainstream media.

War Heads
This candy did not make the list and I'm baffled. Where I come from, War Heads weren't just candy--they served as currency. Lemon was the equivalent of the penny, whereas getting a Blackberry was akin to having crisp Benjamin in your wallet. Social mobility was quite fluid in a society where wealth came in the form of War Heads. You could go from rags to riches in no time, so long as your mom bought the 500 piece bag. Anyone could be Elementary Royalty. Who doesn't miss that?

Oh, and HuffPo, you forgot Ring Pops.

Protect This House: I Would Have...

Headlining today's edition of Disappointing Athletics Weekly is a story detailing how my Fantasy Team is projected to lose Week 1 AND the Tough Mudder I was scheduled to dominate today was cancelled due to excessive traffic from Saturday's proceedings...

Too much traffic? Seriously? WEAK.  

I did a Tough Mudder with my friends about a year ago in NJ and was really looking forward to getting shockingly dirty, crawling through tunnels, tackling the 'Arctic Enema' with my co-workers, and sharing victory beers with regulation Dos-Equis biddies sporting Tough Mudder bikinis and aviator shades. We even had TWO different patterned bandanas ready for the photo ops (baby blue and American flag themed, obv).

I wanted to stay in bed and mourn all day, but couldn't ignore the fact it was a beautiful day in Washington. Further, I was more than sufficiently carbo-loaded after last night's team bonding event at what is probably the most obnoxious, family-style Italian restaurant in all of DC--Buca di Beppo. I needed to sweat.

So, I suited up and headed out on my usual route that takes me to the Lincoln Memorial where I predicted I would half-heartedly Rocky my way up the stairs and engage in only 10 - 12 seconds of meager fist-pumping as opposed to my usual 30. To my chagrin, the tourists in DC made it impossible for me to properly display my usual glory. DC Tourists are famously unaware of the reality that despite the fact that THEY are on vacation, some of us sharing the sidewalks have places to BE and things to ACCOMPLISH. I was so, so angry at all of them AND their neon group t-shirts.

It's not even 5PM yet but goodnight world.

Update Monday Sept. 10: I actually won my first Fantasy Week. Holl@

Olympics: Re-Defined

I miss the Olympics--the London 2012 Games changed my life. Lolo Jones' abs inspired me to add sit-ups to my daily routine for like 2 days. I'm not the same person.

I'm really into the Olympics, but I actually find it to be a disservice to the spirit of regular people. Superior athletic ability is beautiful, awe-inspiring, fascinating, etc. etc.--but really, everyday people are just as talented. Where's MY torch?

Events that I would OWN:

- Losing my keys
- Hugging my cat
- Not recycling
- Drinking Diet Coke (I average 8-9 a day so come see me for that Gold)
- Over-identifying with the What Should We Call Me tumblr
- Cracking my iPhone despite having a case
- Hating babies

Great resume, right? It's unreal that I haven't been tapped by any sponsors yet. Don't worry, I'll hook you all up with some VIP seats at the Inaugural Ordinary People-lympics.

Oliver's Travels

What better way to end my post-less August than with a write-up about my Fantasy Football team, est. Aug. 27, 2012.

The Squad:

QB: Tony Romo (eh...)

WR: Calvin Johnson*

WR: Victor Cruz

WR: Andre Johnson

RB: Matt Forte

RB: Doug Martin

TE: Jermichael Finley

BN: RGIII (QB)

BN: BenJarvis Green-Ellis (RB)

BN: Anquan Boldin (WR)

BN: Ben Tate (RB)

BN: Jacquizz Rodgers (I mean I couldn't get Aaron so...another Rodgers pls).

BN: Kendall Wright (WR)

*denotes my pride and/or joy

The debut match-up is slated to be Oliver's Travels (a nod for my cat and literature in general) vs. Flaming Marshmellows (not a typo, apparently). Sure to be a battle for the ages that will be live-tweeted (@AllisonGilchr).

I had my counsel facilitate the smack talking for me whilst I sat beside him eating funfetti pop tarts. I may know which players I enjoy watching (Cam!), but I'll be the first girl to say Sundays filled with beer and nachos with occasional glances toward the TV a Fantasy Guru does not make. 

So what do you think--impressive? This is my first gambling experience since the great $20 Quito, Ecuador Massacre of '09, but I think I'm ready. 

Brass Machine

and I DON'T mean the Maynard Ferguson song. I'm talking about a real brass machine.

The DC Brass Connection is my most recent music obsession. Anyone who lives in DC has probably seen these little rock stars (and if you haven't, you should really look for them--they are SO great and adorable). It's a 7 piece brass ensemble that features 5 trombones, 1 sousaphone and 1 mellophone. I've seen these guys at Dupont a ton, and now I find myself making increasingly frequent pilgrimages up to hit the Urban Outfitters and Loft in Chinatown now because that's their new spot.

What I find so special about this particular group (and why I drain my pockets to their collection bin) is that the band is clearly all about the kids. It appears to be a very enriching experience for them--which in turn makes it all the more enriching for the audience. There's one adult in the mix, but he plays the drums--he basically just keeps time. The kids all take turns soloing while the rest keep the rhythym moving in the background. Putting yourself out there to solo is no small feat--and to do it WELL is exceptionally impressive. These kids know chords and keys in ways that I don't think I was ever capable of when I used to play. The smallest one (he honestly can't be more than 7 years old) matches his kicks to his green trombone, which I find so endearingly baller that I just want to put him in my pocket and carry him around with me. 

See?

This isn't your average kids'  recorder concert--these guys are GREAT. This is a video of the DC Brass Connection celebrating a big Caps win, and here's one of the group playing in Dupont. 

Music, and especially completely instrumental ensembles is something I hold near and dear to me. I played tenor saxophone in my high school's jazz band and it was a hoot. At a benefit concert for the fund honoring one of my closest friends, I got some of my old band mates back together to play a tune for her. Despite the fact that we were a little rusty, I have to say--music really does bring people together in ways that other forms of communication and collaboration just can't. It's one of my favorite memories--and to see a bunch of kids getting together to make music as often as this group does is really special. 

It really warms my heart every time I see the DC Brass Connection, and I just wanted to give them a shout. Rock on, little brass soldiers. I'm one of your biggest fans. 

Breaking Bad: A Way Forward

The first half of AMC's Breaking Bad fifth season is in full swing and I am just loving my life. Blog posts of yester-months may have led some to believe that Mad Men is my favorite show, but really BB (can I call you that, BB?) is my main squeeze.

I'm going to try to make some predictions without having any spoilers--in case anyone has missed the first two eps of the season (and if you're reading this and haven't seen ANY of the earlier seasons, then may God bless you but we're not friends).

Predictions and/or Hopes

Jesse splits from Walt, again

In seasons past, rifts betwixt Jesse and Walt primarily spawned from Jesse's brash actions and general noobery. This time, however, the rift is more likely be caused by the lack of compassion that comes along with Walt's metamorphosis into a one-dimensional meth machine. Jesse has managed to find himself on a (relative) moral high-ground.

Jesse tries his luck at a solo meth-venture after some new misunderstanding divides the twosome again. He saddles back up into the Crystal Ship (the RV from he and Walt's humble beginnings) and hits the open desert for some good old-fashioned cooking. In not wanting to completely rip Walt's recipe (but not really knowing any other way), he laces his meth with Franch to make it his own. This is a huge improvement from Chili P, but still not quite as potent as Walt's meth brew. Skinny P and Badger fall back in line as Jesse's meth soldiers. Despite Jesse's sprinkle of genius in the opening ep of the season ("yeah bitch, MAGNETS"), his savviness in the illicit business has not improved. He only ever manages to hold a mediocre market share.

Skyler dies

Not particularly likely, but I wish it would just happen. In the mean time, I'm thinking of starting a support group for people like myself that feel personally affected by Skyler White's general whoredom. Her role in the show is quickly diminishing and so she'd be a pretty easy cut, but somehow I imagine that Walt's ultimate downfall will be related to his family (although as of right now it doesn't seem that love for his family is really guiding his actions at all).

The ending scene in episode 2 where Walt is coming onto her in bed is supremely uncomfortable and solidifies my fear that he has become a bonafide villain. Nevertheless,that doesn't stop me from having residual hatred for Skyler--and I think I'm being generous in sparing Walter Jr. (Flynn) from my dire prediction.

Germans Invade

Accomplishing what their ancestors never could during WWII, the German executives from Madrigal Electromotive (parent company for Los Pollos Hermanos) will invade the US and try to destroy every remaining link they could possibly have to the late Gus Fring's international dealings/meth empire.

Mike, newly broke after his granddaughter's off-shore bank account gets emptied by the likes of Hank going H.A.M on everyone in his path, is in straits more dire than we have previously seen. He will want to fully control the US front of the Gus fallout, and must put his perpetual state of exasperation to rest in order to be in the proper mindset to be diplomatic with the Germans.

If it wasn't clear from the outset, I don't fully believe that any of this will actually happen--but it'd be pretty boss to be able to say I saw Franch coming as a major player before anyone else did. I will revisit this post to see what, if anything, I was right about.