Allison's Favorite Things

For the record IDGAF about your favorite things, Oprah, but I still took a peek at your 2012 selections because I hate you. I tend to keep a close eye on the people I hate.

Coach Puffers. FUCKING EW, O. May as well pair your ugly Coach Puffer with some chunky black Steve Madden shoes and go to your middle school band concert because I can't think of one other place where you'd fit in.

Microsoft Surface Tablet. Yeah? You love it so much that you tweeted about the product from your iPad? You're so fake--spare us.

I see you have not one but two Macy's Hotel Collection items (bed set, towels) on your list of favorite things. Anything for your sponsors, huh? No shot you sleep with sheets that are only 600 thread count. 

And finally--Nobody is interested in your favorite jellies. So nasty. Use with Cornish hens? Who are you? Bye.

To you I simply say: Move Bitch and make way for Allison's flyest (albeit random) things for America:

Ciroc : "The Art of Celebration"

Whatever Aaron Paul toasts with is what America needs to be unanimously toasting with, asap.

Mad Men Fashion

We all need to reevaluate our lives and our choices, using Christina Hendricks' ensembles as a guiding spirit. Further detailed in an earlier post from this year.

Nike Frees

Do you just want to wake up at the crack of dawn, JUMP out of bed and haul it out the door for a run without even stopping to brush your teeth? Buy them. Not in the hot pink/black/blue combo though....don't rip my style.

Chicken Quesadillas (with EXTRA special sauce)

Taco Bell is delicious and everyone who pretends otherwise is a bonafide hater.

Bruno Mars 'Locked Out of Heaven'

Being the benevolent and righteous girl that I am, I've forgiven Bruno for his 'Lazy Song' atrocity. The Police and Michael Jackson undertones present in this song just work. 

May the new year bring you all good fortune and an increased presence of my flyest things.

Marketing

I'm either very emotional or I'm everyone's target market. Or could I be both?

I have always felt disproportionately affected by commercials and ad campaigns that manipulate viewers' heart strings to make them (me!) think that they (I!) have a MORAL obligation to give/spend money. No ad/campaign was more effective in this regard than the notorious BC SPCA campaign that ultilized Sarah McLachlin's 'Arms of an Angel' song to rip my fucking heart out, throw it on the ground curb stomp it and force me to take in every single stray animal that I could find. Granted, this probably influenced my family's reasons to take in all stray cats, including my BFFL, Crusty, which is a good thing. Still, not all the glitters is gold.

I've sobered up a bit in my older age, and by that I mean I can successfully watch an animal cruelty commercial without necessarily leaving my home to go 'trolling for strays. But now it seems that I'm now more affected by the notion of sentimentality. Perhaps Don Draper said it best in this scene where he pitches to the camera company. The best marketing is when you convince the consumer that they can have a, "deep[er] bond with the product, nostalgia...it's delicate, but potent."

But why does the Samsung Galaxy Note Commercial feat. Lebron give me chills...? I mean, I'm happy the King finally has his ring and all--but Jesus. And can Dell just QUIT IT with the 'Meet Billy: The Boy Who Captured the Stars' ad??? Why am I considering going back to PC life? And WHY is the instrumental, iPhone 4s inspired version of Fun's 'We Are Young' the principal reason why I haven't?

This is a plea to everyone I know in marketing, advertising or product management. Please, please, please stop making me cry and buy my feelings.

Mad Men

I woke up on Monday morning feeling like I had been born again overnight. I almost used one of my floating holidays that day to catch up on my rest. Mad Men Day is a new (to be officially commissioned by the US government in time for Season 6) holiday in which viewers and non-viewers alike are supposed to reflect on the progression of professional and social relationships between males and females from the 1960's to today. Most companies recognize Mad Men Day by now, and the day following a season premiere is normally PTO eligible. If your company does NOT recognize MMD, it may be time to seriously consider venturing toward greener professional pastures.



Despite the fact that I closely identify with Rosie the Riveter (except that I would never work in a factory...vom), Mad Men has this uncanny ability to make me see the bright side of getting treated like shit in the workplace.

Further, there are few things in the world I find more reprehensible than cheating, but while watching Mad Men I find great satisfaction in watching Don cheat on Betty. They have kids so it's a bit questionable, but if you're a bitch then I'm kind of into watching you get hurt. Which brings me to my first character analysis:

Betty Draper

All I really have to say about Betty Draper is that she totally creeps me out. I'm no Sister Sufragette, but come on, a little backbone would have sufficed during the tempestuous ending of her marriage. If she visits her daughter's therapist one more time I will officially give up on her character. Remain calm and stop being so surly, Betty. You will always be able to find a new sugar daddy.

Don Draper

Don Draper: Sleek, brooding, and unable to commit to anything other than work. Those are qualities that I would probably find inexcusable in any other circumstance, and I willingly admit that lusting over Don Draper compromises my relationship standards-but he's a special case.


He's polished, perpetually Brooks Brothers'ed , an advertising maverick and an all around regulation hottie. I'm obviously fawning over him, but to be honest I'm pretty disappointed in Don for impulsively marrying a woman that forces surprise parties and opts to sing a burlesque-inspired rendition of 'Zou Bisou Bisou' in public as a gift, but everyone makes mistakes. And sometimes those mistakes have gapped teeth. We're all human--including Don.

Roger Sterling

Runner-up DILF. It's pretty sad to watch as he becomes steadily more desperate professionally, such as when he woke up to crash one of Pete's meetings only to find out that it was a sham/trap. My thoughts? He's just one stairwell heart attack away from leaving my good side forever. On the other hand, he still looks pretty good--a silver fox of sorts. Roger's seen better days, but who knows what good fortune the new season will bring him.

Peggy Olsen

Peggy Olson and I are kind of frenemies. We have a love-hate relationship. I'm starting to like her for the respect she's earning at work, but honestly her bangs (pictured above) from the earlier portion of the series haunt my dreams 3-4 times per week. I'm working on my ability to forgive and forget, so for now, she's my bitch--but not my MAIN bitch, you know?


I want to love her from the inside out, but she always manages to screw up friendship advances. For instance, as I said before, I really admire her for her performance in the workplace, but she manages to sabotage that for me when her chief pitch for a client selling beans is to create a "bean ballet." No thanks Peggy--nobody likes your Bean Ballet. Love you though.

Joan Holloway

I'm normally prejudiced against the ginger and/or overly pale sect of the human race, but Joan's got my vote. When I grow up, I want to look just like her. She's both sassy and bootylicious, two things I'm striving to emulate. I love her dress here. It's patriotic, form-fitting, and straight up chic. Thumbs up, Joan.

I really enjoyed the dynamic between her and Roger, but I'm satisfied with the fact that all that remains of their relationship now is the illegitimate bastard child that she is masquerading as the offspring of her doctor/soldier/fugly man fusion of a husband.

Even though I got cut from the middle school play because I cried during the audition, it's clear that I was born for an acting role on Mad Men. When AMC comes calling, I'll be ready.