I don't know if you know this about me, but last spring I won a $100 in the Victoria's Secret Reward Card. Given this track record, it is all but absolutely guarunteed that I will take the entirety of the record-breaking pot in the Powerball drawing tonight. In anticipation of my soon to-be $500 million net worth--I will enter my plans into public record:
To Do:
1.) Establish a well-endowed trust for my cat because I was informed today that he cannot be listed as my primary OR secondary 401k beneficiary.
2.) Allocate a percentage of my after-tax winnings to fund my favorite think-tanks/non-profits in the DC area.
3.) Found and fund my own Latin America-oriented microfinance operation with a special focus on researching the scarf market in Quito, Ecuador to come with strategies for sustainability and eventual entry into the world of high fashion.
4.) Buy my way onto Jeopardy(!) so I can flirt shamelessly with Alex Trebek and revel in his awkward brilliance.
5.) Pay someone to become intimately familiar in my personal fashion choices and stalk LOFT so I don't have to. This person will also be responsible for being real with me when it's officially time to graduate to Ann Taylor.
6.) Lobby for Entitlement Reform, hard.
7.) Hike Mt. Kilamanjaro. I'm coming for you Killy.
Those are my immediate concerns. For everyone out there, I know it sucks to be you, but just keep this song in mind.
See you all on the other side!
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
iThankful
I don't go home very often, but when I do, I beez in the trap.
I'm thankful for these tricks and for dental insurance:
My Thanksgiving is always a motley assortment of family, friends and traditional as well as non-traditional American holiday fare because I don't like turkey or stuffing or any other Thanksgiving food. This year's menu included Chicken Parm (f-ing delicious), a Halal turkey, and mac & cheese. I'm still not over it.
Highlights from this year included Val saying 'Grace' (fan fave), discussion about why Animal Farm the movie is THE scariest movie and the Redskins beating Dallas. RGIII (RG Tree) is my fantasy QB while Romo rides the bench so it was a little awkward, but mostly great.
I'm thankful for these tricks and for dental insurance:
My Thanksgiving is always a motley assortment of family, friends and traditional as well as non-traditional American holiday fare because I don't like turkey or stuffing or any other Thanksgiving food. This year's menu included Chicken Parm (f-ing delicious), a Halal turkey, and mac & cheese. I'm still not over it.
Highlights from this year included Val saying 'Grace' (fan fave), discussion about why Animal Farm the movie is THE scariest movie and the Redskins beating Dallas. RGIII (RG Tree) is my fantasy QB while Romo rides the bench so it was a little awkward, but mostly great.
Following our repast, my sisters and I take part in a Bacchus-inspired event that involves an iPod dock, 90's anthems, and dining room binge-drinking in leggings. I haven't dabbled much in Kings since 'Cuse, but on this particular holiday my sisters and I always play with eachother, our SOs (if they can handle it) and very close friends that may as well be family.This year we ammended the bylaws to account for incidentals of yesteryears:
My trip home reminded me of just how lucky I am to have my sisters as best friends. I'm thankful for the times I laugh so hard that my stomach cramps up. I'm thankful for the fact that Sheila downloaded the One Hour Photo Soundtrack instead of the movie and that it popped up while driving in the dark woods. I'm thankful for Toejam and Earl being available for purchase on Wii (RIP Sega Genesis). I'm thankful for AppleTV at my Dad's house and rewatching some of my favorite Breaking Bad moments (Skyler in the pool!) I'm thankful for my family, my friends and loved ones everywhere :)
Happy Hollerdays
Friday, November 16, 2012
Londres
Back in June I lamented that I hadn't left the country in almost two years. Sorpresa! I got the chance to go to London! My itinerary even met the criteria I had set out for myself--the UK is not landlocked, on the verge of default and there is no visa requirement. Other than the fact that I left home with no coat and no laptop, I was ready!
Although the primary purpose of my travel was to attend a project management training course for work--I extended my stay so that I could see the sights, drink the cidre (see what I did there?) and visit/cuddle with friends.
Highlights:
I attended prayer services twice in the Cathedrals, so you can say I re-connected with God. I'm revisiting the idea of putting in an application for Sainthood.
I watched Katy Perry's Part of Me on the airplane and cried because I was so inspired. I'm a bonafide Katy Kat.
I discovered a new city, met new people AND a became intimately familiar with a new Starbucks menu (Praline Mocha Latte--you are my spirit animal).
Tower of London. I'm basically a certified expert on monarchies and royal menageries. I carried myself as if there was a talent scout looking for the next addition to the royal family, and I think I made a good impression.
Running along the Thames River. Nothing makes me feel more alive than running in a new place.
The training itself--VERY passable. Work seminars have the potential to be excruciatingly boring, but I was pleasantly surprised. One of the men leading the course is a former project manager at Lego, so we immediately had common ground to stand on. Legos were a cornerstone of my formative years.
Lowlights:
During a team-building exercise in which I was blind-folded, I shit-talked every other team and then caused my own team to lose by falling in a bush. Not my best moment.
I got woman-handled by airport security at Heathrow TWICE. Girl put her hands all up in the waistband of my leggings. I almost asked for money from her because alla dis don't come cheap, ya know? If I wasn't already projected to be the very last person to make it on the plane, I would have.
Missing the election--as if voting absentee isn't anticlimactic enough. My plan was to head to a bar that promised twinkies, hot dogs, and other American fare. Line was out the door (obviously). To add insult to injury--I'm now seeing that twinkie's days are numbered. So it is very likely that I will NEVER have the chance to eat twinkies on election night again in my life. I'm going to dedicate an entire chapter in my memoir to this injustice.
Additionally, the next day, people at my training wasted no time trying to tell me why America sucks. Sorry I'm not sorry that I love America.
Mediumlights:
I learned EVERYTHING about heresy, torture, and the history of the British justice system via a visit to Clinks Prison Museum. I can't decide if this was a good or a bad experience. I was literally the only person in this purposefully dank and dreary museum.
I didn't find Adele, and I looked everywhere.
I tried lamb. I now know for sure that I'm not into it.
Overall-light:
I had a great time, learned a lot, and laughed a ton. An extra special thanks to Maria Preetha y Lucita for having me as the third flat-mate :). Abrazos!
Although the primary purpose of my travel was to attend a project management training course for work--I extended my stay so that I could see the sights, drink the cidre (see what I did there?) and visit/cuddle with friends.
Highlights:
I attended prayer services twice in the Cathedrals, so you can say I re-connected with God. I'm revisiting the idea of putting in an application for Sainthood.
I watched Katy Perry's Part of Me on the airplane and cried because I was so inspired. I'm a bonafide Katy Kat.
I discovered a new city, met new people AND a became intimately familiar with a new Starbucks menu (Praline Mocha Latte--you are my spirit animal).
Tower of London. I'm basically a certified expert on monarchies and royal menageries. I carried myself as if there was a talent scout looking for the next addition to the royal family, and I think I made a good impression.
Running along the Thames River. Nothing makes me feel more alive than running in a new place.
The training itself--VERY passable. Work seminars have the potential to be excruciatingly boring, but I was pleasantly surprised. One of the men leading the course is a former project manager at Lego, so we immediately had common ground to stand on. Legos were a cornerstone of my formative years.
Lowlights:
During a team-building exercise in which I was blind-folded, I shit-talked every other team and then caused my own team to lose by falling in a bush. Not my best moment.
I got woman-handled by airport security at Heathrow TWICE. Girl put her hands all up in the waistband of my leggings. I almost asked for money from her because alla dis don't come cheap, ya know? If I wasn't already projected to be the very last person to make it on the plane, I would have.
Missing the election--as if voting absentee isn't anticlimactic enough. My plan was to head to a bar that promised twinkies, hot dogs, and other American fare. Line was out the door (obviously). To add insult to injury--I'm now seeing that twinkie's days are numbered. So it is very likely that I will NEVER have the chance to eat twinkies on election night again in my life. I'm going to dedicate an entire chapter in my memoir to this injustice.
Additionally, the next day, people at my training wasted no time trying to tell me why America sucks. Sorry I'm not sorry that I love America.
Mediumlights:
I learned EVERYTHING about heresy, torture, and the history of the British justice system via a visit to Clinks Prison Museum. I can't decide if this was a good or a bad experience. I was literally the only person in this purposefully dank and dreary museum.
I didn't find Adele, and I looked everywhere.
I tried lamb. I now know for sure that I'm not into it.
Overall-light:
I had a great time, learned a lot, and laughed a ton. An extra special thanks to Maria Preetha y Lucita for having me as the third flat-mate :). Abrazos!
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