Olympics: Re-Defined

I miss the Olympics--the London 2012 Games changed my life. Lolo Jones' abs inspired me to add sit-ups to my daily routine for like 2 days. I'm not the same person.

I'm really into the Olympics, but I actually find it to be a disservice to the spirit of regular people. Superior athletic ability is beautiful, awe-inspiring, fascinating, etc. etc.--but really, everyday people are just as talented. Where's MY torch?

Events that I would OWN:

- Losing my keys
- Hugging my cat
- Not recycling
- Drinking Diet Coke (I average 8-9 a day so come see me for that Gold)
- Over-identifying with the What Should We Call Me tumblr
- Cracking my iPhone despite having a case
- Hating babies

Great resume, right? It's unreal that I haven't been tapped by any sponsors yet. Don't worry, I'll hook you all up with some VIP seats at the Inaugural Ordinary People-lympics.