Protect This House: I Would Have...

Headlining today's edition of Disappointing Athletics Weekly is a story detailing how my Fantasy Team is projected to lose Week 1 AND the Tough Mudder I was scheduled to dominate today was cancelled due to excessive traffic from Saturday's proceedings...

Too much traffic? Seriously? WEAK.  

I did a Tough Mudder with my friends about a year ago in NJ and was really looking forward to getting shockingly dirty, crawling through tunnels, tackling the 'Arctic Enema' with my co-workers, and sharing victory beers with regulation Dos-Equis biddies sporting Tough Mudder bikinis and aviator shades. We even had TWO different patterned bandanas ready for the photo ops (baby blue and American flag themed, obv).

I wanted to stay in bed and mourn all day, but couldn't ignore the fact it was a beautiful day in Washington. Further, I was more than sufficiently carbo-loaded after last night's team bonding event at what is probably the most obnoxious, family-style Italian restaurant in all of DC--Buca di Beppo. I needed to sweat.

So, I suited up and headed out on my usual route that takes me to the Lincoln Memorial where I predicted I would half-heartedly Rocky my way up the stairs and engage in only 10 - 12 seconds of meager fist-pumping as opposed to my usual 30. To my chagrin, the tourists in DC made it impossible for me to properly display my usual glory. DC Tourists are famously unaware of the reality that despite the fact that THEY are on vacation, some of us sharing the sidewalks have places to BE and things to ACCOMPLISH. I was so, so angry at all of them AND their neon group t-shirts.

It's not even 5PM yet but goodnight world.

Update Monday Sept. 10: I actually won my first Fantasy Week. Holl@