Humble Brags

My delightfully verbose mother, beknownst throughout my hometown as the mom who was hootin' and hollerin' at one of my HS school functions because a photographer was shakin' his tail feather in her face, and also the mom that publicly shares her cereal with the cats, is applying for a Doctorate. If she follows through, it will be her third time receiving a degree from Rutgers University, her alma mater. I admire her unwavering commitment to both the Scarlet Knights and education. So how did this aspiring PhD Candidate describe the application process to me?
 

"It's hard, you know I'm not really good at jerking myself off for resume padding"

Ah, how refreshingly normal she is. She and I are more alike than I would have previously cared to admit. We both love sushi, we possess the uncanny ability to disrupt any possible environment with our crude, high volume conversations AND we both think resumes are really, really lame.

There are people like my mom and I who believe that doing what you're supposed to do in order to get what you want is not something that warrants a resounding round of applause. Then there are those other people. You know, the people who are very, very pleased with themselves. I was somewhat recently introduced to the phenomenon of the humble brag, and it's pure genius. If there's one thing more annoying than someone being outright pleased with themselves, it's when they try to mask it and draw a compliment out of you. Here is a humble brag in action:


"@JenFriel: omw downtown to try on #oscars dresses. This is such a chore for a chick that lives in hoodies. #bah"
(Source: @Humblebrag)

O rly? You're a hoodie-sporting slob just like the rest of us and you still get invited to the Oscars? You must really be slammin'.

This is the response @JenFriel deserves:
I'm surprised--your face and body are both really, really offensive. It's hard to imagine that you've been invited to the Oscars, but then again I've heard that plain people are solicited so that the actual beautiful, famous people appear even more beautiful and famous.

Don't be fooled--not all humble braggers focus on their appearance. They are shape shifters--they can also come in the form of people who are impressed with themselves academically, professionally, socially, etc. I spent a healthy amount of time stalking Facebook profiles and twitters of random people from different sects of my life, and let me tell you--humble bragging is quickly becoming a global pandemic.

From now on, I'm making it a point to expose every humble brag that comes my way:

"Oh, you interned for a member of Congress? So would you say you're ready to lead the nation?"

"Hm, tell me more about your experience living in New York City. Approximately how much more sophisticated are you than the average American? No, really, don't think so hard, an approximation will suffice."

"You save children for a living via some random non-profit? Pardon my lack of morality. I work in a for-profit industry."

"Please tell me more about your summer session in Europe. I have so much to learn from you."