I've been devoting substantial amounts of my time to reviewing my post-retirement options. Right now the plan is that immediately following my retirement party at Cafe Citron in DC I'm going to cut the ribbon to the construction site that will eventually host my new restaurant:
The Quesadilla Co.
You probably think that Quesadilla Co. is going to be similar to the Cheesecake Factory in that the menu will expand far beyond cheesecake, but you're wrong. It's really going to be mostly quesadillas.
The menu is obviously going to feature an "About Me" that will detail the trials and triumphs of my life as a chef.
It all started when my mom bought me a George Foreman when I was 19. That was the same year I found myself in a committed relationship with Morningstar products. About a year following its faithful service I dropped George on the floor and it died on impact. After a proper mourning period, I took a leap of faith and bought my quesadilla maker:
This same quesadilla maker is still the only appliance I own/need. Who would have known that such I'd gain such a meaningful friend as a result of the death of my beloved George. Fate is funny like that. At the tender age of 21, I learned to boil water and make pasta. The rest is history.
As for the actual menu content, it will only consist of food that I enjoy. It has recently come to my attention that I'm a bit of a picky eater, but I think the world will start to see things my way after they pay a visit to Q. Co.
As a recovering vegetarian I've been exploring meat-ish options to be included in my semi-daily diet, and as a result there will be meat options for the carnivorous palate available at Q. Co:
Kickin' Chicken Quesadillas
Chicken, cheese, and a boatload of guac.
Chalupas
During high school one of my besties, who shall remain nameless (Jessica...) averaged 1.5 Taco Bell chalupas a day and drank a gallon of fire sauce per week. It was incredible and inspiring. I have to include them on the menu.
But most options will be meatless:
Plain Cheerios
Strictly plain cheerios in skim milk. Any patron that requests Cheerios of the honeynut, apple, or team variety is subject to immediate ejection without refund. It's all completely detailed in the customer contract that patrons sign upon entry.
Yogurt with Granola
Key Lime Whipped Yogurt with Oat and Honey bars with sour patch watermelon garnish. Tart meets sweet in ways that you couldn't dream of yourself.
Jumbo Slice
Inspired by Adam's Morgan late-night Pizza in DC. This dish features cascading cheese and about 8-10 cups of grease. It is the only item served on paper plates, and it requires two because one simply isn't large enough.
Poptarts
Who doesn't love breakfast for dinner? Strawberry or Cherry tarts garnished with frosting and rainbow or red sprinkles. Toasted to perfection. Suggested fruit snack accompaniment: Gushers.
Cap'n Crunch Bread Pudding
I cannot take credit for this dish. The Cap'n Crunch bread pudding has been narrowly acclaimed (aka, just by me) to be the greatest dessert on Earth. My heart recognized it before my head did, and after a few hours I realized I had read about it in the Bible. It was served at the Last Supper.
The bread pudding is accompanied by a scoop of raspberry sorbet playing the part of the crunch berry, and the two main items are connected by a pirouette cookie made of peanut butter crunch.
For decor I've opted to model the overall ambiance off of the Mars 2112 restaurant in NYC. I really admired the designer's ability to combine culinary excellence with science:
It goes without saying that Pitbull and Ke$ha will dominate the smooth/sultry rhythms filling the air at Q. Co., but Rihanna, Weezy, and Yung Joc will be given weekly air time on a rotating basis. Hanson's "Snowed In" album will be strictly played on loop between Thanksgiving and New Year's Eve.
I'll keep everyone posted about opening night @ Q. Co. No shot getting a reservation within the two years of the doors opening.
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